Monday, August 27, 2012

Delicious!

8/24/12 Sunrise in Kahuku
I love getting up early enough to watch the sky change colors as the sun comes up.
My children & cats are still asleep.
The fans are still whirring.
Even the rooster next door is quiet.

I love the stillness of it.

It gives me time to check my emails for love letters (which by the way aren't flooding my inbox *hint*hint*) & to log into my fb to catch up with my buddies who are already more than half way into their day. (being in Hawaii makes me literally the last to get up except for American Samoa where they get up an hour later in the day than me)

It gives me time to think.

I'm 41 years old now. What do I want to accomplish for myself this coming year?

I've been writing for a year now. The Delicious! blog has taken on a couple of different looks as I've sifted to find its right feel & look.

It's time for me to come up with something else more structured about what I want to write about. It's not enough anymore to just write - I have to write that something in me that always wants to be read.

It's time for me to step outside my comfort zone (again).

With that said, Delicious! is going to take a short break & come back next week with a new format & theme.

With love & Delicious!,
Cy.

PS Thanks for reading & sticking with me this past year! You've been absolutely great!



Friday, August 24, 2012

Happy BirthedtotheWorld Day!!!

Isn't that the cutest hood ornament for newlyweds? (I almost stole it today at the Temple!)



I'm 41 years old today.

(Thank you Jesus! Seriously. Thank YOU Jesus.)

40 was a year of growing & I don't gotta tell y'all that GROWING isn't so easy or fun or a piece of cake. Growing is damn hard work. Like just about everything else in my life.

This past year of my life took me way the hell out of my comfort zones - which I get is what growing does to a person.
Me & My not so Mini-Me's 8/23/12

I grew past my anxiety, past my fears & way waaaaaaaaaaay past my anger.

I started writing last year when I turned 40. And published what I wrote. It'd been literally 10 years since I'd written more than a grocery shopping list. Writing terrified me. I was unable to do it without having a complete & total fwaking meltdown. Which made no sense to me since I used to get paid to write (and write and write)

I also started to seriously start training & running & weight lifting. (That didn't stick so well but it's a work in progress). 40 brought me to my personal best running time: A 9 minute 36 second mile. (Never mind that I haven't hit that since then - I did it once & I'm damned proud of that!) At 40 years old, I was finally FINALLY able to to bench press 150lbs. (Never mind again that as of today I can only 75 lbs. That's what happens when you slack off). The weight room & its many steel plates & weighted machines & free weights intimidated me for many years. To me, it was that place where real athletes go & I was just a fat girl vacationing impersonating a potentially serious runner/trainer/athlete. (I'm over that now.) 40 also gave me my lowest & highest weight on the scale since 2008. (I've accepted the scale is not broken, it is not my friend & I'm going to shatter it into tiny pieces as a gift to myself later today. *shrugs* Who knows? I may even BBQ it)

I became legally employed by the State of Hawaii Dept. of Education at 40 years old. Wow. Seriously. Who'd ever thought of all the employment options I have available to me that I'd wind up as a State employee in DOE? Well, at least thank you Jesus (that's one of my favorite sayings!) I'm not a teacher. (I don't have the stamina for it. It's true. I don't.) And Thank you again Jesus for letting me have a paid job!

At 40, I learned to forgive & accept that I love someone who loves me too but is currently married, devoted & deeply in love with his wife & children. He is without a doubt, a genetically terminally stupid man. (He can't help it.) I mean really? What smart cookie wants to openly admit that she's in love with a chicken-shit idiot? He's like a combination of the cowardly lion & the scarecrow. It's just not cool.

(As a sidenote: I think my Ex is one of those flying dingo-monkeys in the Wizard of Oz. You know, the Wicked Witch of the West's ugly pets. I can't decide which character I am. Hehehehehehe... I won't melt if you throw water on me!)

Timing is everything.

And I plan on being the right girl at the right place at the right time for the right man for me. (Which I am going to qualify right here & now - may not be the aforementioned loveofmylife. It could some other man. As in some other not married but so damn rich he makes other rich men wish they could be as rich as him sort of rich man. Yeah, that man. Maybe I'll marry that man instead.)

And finally, on the last day of being 40 years old, in the last hour of the day & just to add drama - right to the last damn minute before I turned 41 years old but certainly after I ate my last doughnut....

I.Cut.All.My.Hair.Off.

All of it. Every single last strand of it. It's gone. And I'm glad. I always wanted to do it . For myself. Because whatthefuck? its hair? So its gone.

Of my boys, Katzu freaked out the most. He's still freaking out as I type this. He's hoping I'll wrap my head up because he's afraid the kids will tease him. I told him, "We don't care what other people think or say or do. We care what we think. We care what we do. All we can control in our lives, is ourselves. What other people think of us, is none of our damn business."

Which totally went over his happy head of hair & out the window. I'm sure nothing I said made sense to him & he's hoping & praying no one will make fun of him. You know, because he has a weird Mom. *rolls my eyeballs*

So far, I've shocked just about everyone. Including my neighbors who stopped walking to stare at me like I'd sprouted a secondary head instead of just shaved my hair off. *laughs*

(Looks to me like 41 is going to be hellafwacking awesome!)

I'm 41 years old today & this is a beautiful thing to be.

With love love love & delicious bald heads & big birthday hugs & kisses~
Cy.

PS Did I mention I got a tattoo? *laughs* Temporary of course.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Easy thoughts & images

A difference of perceptions
This has become one of my favorite images to work on this week.

I love the warmth of it. I love the texture of the brick. I love the morning sunlight pouring through. I love the feel of peeking thru the pukas in the bricks & seeing people rush by in cars & buses & bikes.

It makes me wish I could be tiny enough to fit myself into it & soak up the sunshine while watching the world zoom by.

I've spent weeks walking past this hallway at work, making notes of the lighting, the angles, the shadows.

The only time that light comes into that hallway through those bricks & light up that way - is early morning about 6:30am to 7:30am.

8:00am is too late already. The light has faded & that place becomes a dark hallway like all other hallways.


It's been an interesting summer working but not really getting paid. In short I've been gifting my time to the school. Well, even gifting is a big word when you consider that the state has been holding 30 hours a week of my life hostage. I've learned that nothing really changes. People just become more themselves.

But I've loved being there. I love watching people. I really love watching all the cliques & followers & so forth. I love the subtle politics. I love the power plays. Everyone believes they are the sun in their universe & everyone else are just orbiting moons reflecting their golden glory.

Well, lets be honest - most of them wouldn't even consider most of their workmates a distant constellation in their galaxy. Clock out at 5pm & call it a day!

I've learned that just because people have degrees conferred by Universities of High Learning - almost all of them have not learned to listen. They hear but they don't listen.

Everyone wants someone to listen to what they say but it seems that listening & hearing are skills you don't learn in school.

I hear a workmate talking about her husband & I wonder if she hears what she isn't saying about him. I hear the love in her voice, I hear the love he has for her, I hear the hurt & the need he feels at being the last on her list for her time & attention. He's a big baby at heart. He's her baby & it sounds like to me what he is... is sick & tired & ignored. He's also the man that wants her to let him take care of her, his way - like a man. The man.

Men are strange creatures, I don't even want to pretend that I understand them. But I get it.

I hear another workmate talking about her OCD & her obsessive controlling behavior that doesn't allow for her to trust anyone else to do a job. Sounds to me like she doesn't trust herself enough to give herself the forgiveness that she's refusing to give others.

I hear another workmate talking about Jesus & asking when are all the other people going to get what they've got coming to them when all it looks like is that good people suffer more & bad people skate free. What I hear her saying is Jesus Have I been blessed enough? You blessed them, now what about me?

For a group of people who teach children what active listening is & how to do it - many of them are failing egregiously (hehehehehe... $10 word of the day!) at listening & hearing what their workmates are truly saying.

Now I don't pretend that I know these people. Like I said before, I don't really know these people or hang out with them outside of the few hours I spend with them during the day.

It's just been very interesting people kinda summer.

So what does that have to do with the pictures? Only that people aren't always what they seem. And neither are images. We have really look to see & really listen to hear each other.

with love & delicious images (people)~
Cy.


Monday, August 13, 2012

LifeDays: Looking backwards but mostly heading FORWARD


My LifeDay was this past Saturday. I spent it watching the early morning moon & stars fade into a glorious riot of pinks, oranges & purples & blues of a sunrise I truly believe can only be found here in Kahuku, Hawaii. Then heading out for Chapel clean up with rakes & groggy children. Then enjoying the baptisms of 3 young men & then hanging out at our Ward Pool party.

The sun was hot, the kids were noisy & scrambled eggs were the dish of the day. Yummy. I tried to sit away from the crowd but my niece & the gaggle of pre-teen girls stalked me down & proceeded to chat my ears off about boys.

(as if. boys. One girl actually asked me if I had a boy friend in high school. I said No. Whatever would I want one for? She looked at me like I'd sprouted another head or something. I asked her, You're in 7th grade, what the hell are you gonna do with a boyfriend except for have drama? Trust me you have all the rest of your life to have drama. Save it for when you have to have it & enjoy the peace & quiet right now. Sage advice huh? It was also handily ignored)

When they finally left to scarf down donuts & chips (how nice to be 12 years old with a teenage metabolism) It gave me time to pause & reflect on my past four years.
I gotta say - it's not quite all that bad!
*grins & winks*
Some of it has been pretty damn good!

In four years, I've managed to run a 9 minute 36 second mile. I've also managed to bench press a 150lb. I've climbed & hiked Diamond Head & Koko Head crater. I've walked/run a 5k AND a 10k. In more practical terms - I've walked/run from 7-11 Hauula to my home in Kahuku. I've biked. I've roller skated (not well I might add). I've hula hooped, Zumba'd & squated like a champ! I've also jumped rope & shimmied on the Kindergarten playground. Lord, have mercy - I have also done diamond push ups & Burpees. (with much bitching I must add as well!)

I've worn size 10 dresses (thank you Spandex) and I've stuffed my big ass into size 14 jeans ( size 12 seems to elude me still) but better than all that ...

The thing I'm most proud of in all of that is... I've worn out the soles twice on my running shoes. Big time Ups for me. Those busted up shoes represent to me the gratitude I have for my life because I was worth every single effort to get healthier.

I'm on the hunt for new running shoes this week. Katzu has taken off with my Reebok's & my New Balances I bought a month ago. My babyfeet need to learn to handle the pavement again.

I still have a list of things I haven't done yet. I really think that this new year of life is going to bring opportunities for me to cross them off my "Bucket List".

  • Paddle Boarding
  • Roller Derby
  • Ice Skating
  • Go Kart Racing
  • Para-Gliding
  • Sky Diving
  • Kick Boxing
I've been considering getting my certification in Zumba this year as a gift to myself - never mind that I can not Zumba to save my life AND that I have zero coordination. I just want to know for myself that as a fat girl - I can get my ass certified in a sport where skinny bitches are the norm.

And I'm thinking that I'd like to become licenced Personal Trainer. (Again because I've been there - God! Some days I'm still there.)

When I do become a PT, I want my clients to know that I know what it's like to be out of shape & intimidated in a big gym & by skinny rabid people tossing weights & sweat around like candy. I want them to know that they can do it because I can do it too.

All we gotta do is start. Oh! and keep on going! Don't stop because starting all over is a bitch on the feet!

with love & delicious LifeDays~
Cy.