|Crownflowers at Laie Cemetery|
(yes. that's the word... shaky)
And when you get to a certain level of faithfulness where its all so effortless, you get shoved up to the next level of faithfully working out least you get too comfortable & squishy.
Which should have been my first red flag that a big test of faith was on the horizon!
I don't mind trials of faith. I
Every one every where every day, have to go through their own trials & tests of their faith. I get that. I'm not special in being tested. So I'm not whining about that.
What I really do mind however is when the tests get sprung on me with no forewarning!
(which I supposed shouldn't surprise me. )
Recently, I completed an unexpected trial of faith by fire. I can say that I finished this section of the exam & passed. But Wow! How about I pass my exams less bloodied up? less beat up? less on my ass crying to God & Jesus & the Holy Ghost & all the ancestors & all the angels in the Heavens for help to sustain me, carry me & hold me firm?
So I passed & crawled through the storm. (Yay, Me!) But it seems to me that I'm always passing on my ass & screaming! *laughs*
I learned a deep lesson from my second son Tafilele. As his mother, my heart & soul broke for him as I watched him struggle with his own trial of faith in the past couple of weeks. He took immediate responsibility for his wrongs & asked for help to make himself right again. We spent that evening (and many other nights) in prayer & tears & gratitude to God.
In retrospect, things could've been so very much worse. All it takes is a little bit of not right choices to start the avalanche & then you're sitting in hell wondering how in the hell you got there!
(been there. done that.)
Tafilele knows that I love him & from me he learns daily that God loves him & that there isn't anything that can make me or God love him any less. Nothing.
The counsel I gave to my son came back to me: Turn your face away from theses things that will hurt you. No good can come of it. Turn your face & never look back at it. Keep on going & go straight.
My faith is intact. My utter gratitude to God's love for me reaffirmed. Thank You God for every thing, for helping me be more faithful & trusting in Your divine will. Thank You God for understanding that I bitch & moan about the work & the uncomfortable squeezing of whatever by the whoevers & the lack of a worthy companion right at this moment but that when I'm done complaining ~ I get it done.
With love & delicious ass-kicking trials of faith~