Monday, July 16, 2012

Happy in the Moment


Crownflowers at Laie Cemetery

Faith, it seems is something you have to keep practicing at or it gets rusty dull shaky.
(yes. that's the word... shaky)

And when you get to a certain level of faithfulness where its all so effortless, you get shoved up to the next level of faithfully working out least you get too comfortable & squishy.

Which should have been my first red flag that a big test of faith was on the horizon!

I don't mind trials of faith. I welcome accept them. I know that they have to happen so that I can have an increase of faith fullness. (why so much increase? Because that's the way it goes. *shrugs*)

Every one every where every day, have to go through their own trials & tests of their faith. I get that. I'm not special in being tested. So I'm not whining about that.

What I really do mind however is when the tests get sprung on me with no forewarning!
(which I supposed shouldn't surprise me. )

Recently, I completed an unexpected trial of faith by fire. I can say that I finished this section of the exam & passed. But Wow! How about I pass my exams less bloodied up? less beat up? less on my ass crying to God & Jesus & the Holy Ghost & all the ancestors & all the angels in the Heavens for help to sustain me, carry me & hold me firm?

So I passed & crawled through the storm. (Yay, Me!) But it seems to me that I'm always passing on my ass & screaming! *laughs*

I learned a deep lesson from my second son Tafilele. As his mother, my heart & soul broke for him as I watched him struggle with his own trial of faith in the past couple of weeks. He took immediate responsibility for his wrongs & asked for help to make himself right again. We spent that evening (and many other nights) in prayer & tears & gratitude to God.

In retrospect, things could've been so very much worse. All it takes is a little bit of not right choices to start the avalanche & then you're sitting in hell wondering how in the hell you got there!
(been there. done that.)

Tafilele knows that I love him & from me he learns daily that God loves him & that there isn't anything that can make me or God love him any less. Nothing.

The counsel I gave to my son came back to me: Turn your face away from theses things that will hurt you. No good can come of it. Turn your face & never look back at it. Keep on going & go straight.

My faith is intact. My utter gratitude to God's love for me reaffirmed. Thank You God for every thing, for helping me be more faithful & trusting in Your divine will. Thank You God for understanding that I bitch & moan about the work & the uncomfortable squeezing of whatever by the whoevers & the lack of a worthy companion right at this moment but that when I'm done complaining ~ I get it done.

With love & delicious ass-kicking trials of faith~
Cy.

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