Monday, April 30, 2012

It Just Keeps On Getting Better:Moments of MotherHood

So I'm doing the laundry this evening & decide to wash Katzu's favorite pair of pants for our field trip to BYU-H.

And what do I see when I put his pants in the washer?

The little puka in the back pocket is neatly stitched up. Little x's closed up the hole. It was as good as new!

I didn't mend Katz's pants. I know for sure Katz didn't mend his pants. That leaves a limited list of suspects!

Who did this random act of kindness for me & for Katz? Somebody sewed up my baby Katz's favorite army pants as a gift of love.

(yes I cried as I turned the washer water on & poured soap in)

I could barely remember my name last week what with Tafi's birthday party & my first week of "working". But I know Katz's insisted on wearing his army pants on Friday. I didn't let him wear it last week because there was that  tiny tear in the back pocket I hadn't had time to mend yet. But he persisted.

(read: nag nag nag. whine whine whine. beg beg beg.)

Katz had told me No, Mommy! Its fixed already!
(since I didn't do it, I didn't believe it was done)

I let it slide, gave in, allowed him to wear it to school on Friday. I figured if he had on clean boxers & was ok with a tiny puka in the pants... I was just fine with it too!

(There are some things as a mother that just aren't worth bitching about!*grins*)

And here I am today looking at the wonderful thoughtfulness that either my mother, my sister or more likely my oldest son Simalei took time out to do for me.

(Thank you whoever did it. I'm humbled by your kindness. Thank You God for reaffirming my faith that it does always get better & better!)

With love & delicious random acts of kindness~

PS. How do you like my yellow vest? Makes me look "important & cool" on the playground, huh? *smiles*

Friday, April 27, 2012

-0 lbs:WIO & Weigh It In

Last -0 lbs post for the month. I've managed to survive a month of not hitting the scales.

So how have I determined what I've gained or lost then if I'm not chained to a scale?

Let's see... my jeans still fit (Thank God!!!) My shirts still fit (again Thank God!) and I can still bench press 100lbs at the gym. I can still run. I can still walk.

So far. So good!

Back to those jeans still fitting. I don't know why in the hell I keep on wearing them. They make me look huge/fat/bulbous! Just because they fit doesn't mean I should keep on wearing them.

The reason the bathroom picture is important to me is that its at the Kailua Zippy's. Its 1/2 or a 1/4 the width of a regular door. When I was larger - I refused to even enter the bathroom door for fear that I couldn't fit through it (side ways or front ways).

Now I can walk through it face forward with space to spare on each side of my thighs.

The upper right hand picture is from 2 years ago exactly. I'm actually smaller today in terms of inches all over but I look to me - smaller then. Go figure. I don't get it.

The stress of going back to work has led me to be alternately phobic & the binging on food. But this up coming week will be better. I know what the stresses are like & how to plan my eating around it.

Getting to gym is going to be a bit tough what with my new schedule. But I figure I can do bench dips & walking lunges & jumping squats on the field when I'm doing yard duty at school.

(I hope that doesn't embarrass the kiddies too much!)

Haven't decided to do running @ 5am or 5pm. We'll see how it goes!

My new thingy is running hills. At least on the treadmill I can gauge how far & how high & how fast I am running. On the pavement - where the real running counts- it's a bit trickier. I always pat myself on the back after a treadmill run only to kick myself after a pavement run when I can BARELY squeak out a half miler without feeling like I'm dying from a lack of oxygen.

Working out makes me a nicer person. It puts the sparkle in my eye & the spring in my step! It is almost as good as prayer for making me all zen-like and is certainly better than the best sex I ever had.

With love & aching thighs & glutes!

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Back2Work: TimeOut Tuesdays

I've gone back to "work" this week. Which if you ask me is an understatement since any SAH (that's Stay At Home) Mother knows - you're always working: paid or un-paid.

Our meter is always running!

Anyhow, I'm a volunteer office assistant/teacher assistant/ general assistant at my children's school. I have a very good reason for doing this.

Katzu needs me. He needs the security of knowing I'm not far from him physically to make him feel safe again.

I don't know what really happened to make be all clingy again. But what I do know is that as hard as it is for me to be stuck to him right now - its still way more easier than trying to fix this years & years down the road when he is older & less inclined to accept my help.

So I'm "working" with people again. I'd forgotten how in group settings, people gravitate towards friendships/alliances/favorites in order to get along smoother.

I don't think there's anything wrong with this. That's just the way it rocks in the real employment world.

But like I've said before (and something that many of you know about me personally)... what I do for a living is not Who I Am.

I don't define myself by my job (or lack of a job). A job is what I do or have. Not who I am.

Thank God for big lessons learned while I still young enough to bear them!

With love & delicious work~

Because Sometime you feel like a Nut!

Monday, April 23, 2012

Birthday Party!Moments of Motherhood

Today was Tafi's 12th birthday party.

He celebrated his birthday at the BYU-H Gameroom so that he & his friends could hang out, play some games, shoot some pool, dance a little dance & bowl some bowling.

Tafi stayed up late Sunday night to make his sour candy li hing mui mix for the "baddy bags" because "goody bags" are for kids not manly guys like Taf & his buddies.

(yes I rolled my eyes at that too)

Tafi & his buddies sang Happy Birthday to him. Those are Butter Chocolate ButterCreme frosted cupcakes.
(Mommy needs her butter to make it all better!)

I actually ate this one at home just before I started blogging this post! Yumm-Oh!

(and now I have a tummy ache)

Tafi had such a fabulous birthday party. Everyone he invited was able to make it. He got everything & more that he wished for.

(Thank You God!)

I am so thankful to the parents let their children come to his party. I was so relieved to see all of them come to support Tafi turning 12. I am so humbled by all of the parents who gave gifts to Tafi - when really the gift to us was just having their children there.

I am so glad that Tafi already has the maturity to realize birthday parties are not about gifts or what his friends gave him. He was already telling from a week ago to please not give him any money or toys but to just come & be there with him.

Just being there with him was the best gift.
(God Bless them!)

I am tired. And Happy. and tired. But mostly happy.

Because he's happy.

With love & delicious birthday parties~

PS. According to Mother Hubbard this frosting is the best ever. According to my wallet its also the cheapest frosting ever too. I will never pay $3 for a can of pre-made frosting ever again!

2 boxes of powdered sugar
1/2 cup of unsweetened cocoa powder
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 cup butter

put it in to a large mixing bowl & blend on low until all the sugar is mixed up with the butter. It will look thick like play dough. DO NOT ADD MILK OR WATER!

Keep on mixing at high until its whipped. For me, it took about 3 minutes but then I have a cheapy mixer from Walmart that was on sale for $7. Your mixer might whip that frosting faster than mine.

You'll know its done when it looks smooth & glossy. Spoon some into a piping bag with a star tip & pop a little bit on top of each cupcake.

Voila! Enough frosting for at least 3 dzn cupcakes also taking into account little hands that swiped some from the bowl.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Happy Birthday Tafilele! Moments of MotherHood

Today my heart turns 12.

12 years ago at 2:00am, his daddy brought him out to the world
while I laughed hysterically & said Oh My God Tau! He has your face!

So many good memories.

Things have changed for Tafi since then. He's gone from being a baby to being a babe (so I hear from the cheeky girls at school). He's growing up more & instead of growing farther away from me, he grows closer to my heart each moment.

I would've thought that he was closest to me when he was nestled under my breast, his little heartbeat out pacing mine. But here we are twelve years later & this manchild is all my best heartbeats wrapped up in one.

Happy happy happy birthday Tafi. I love you!

With love & delicious birthday-ness~
Mommy Cy

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

-0 lbs: WIO & Weigh It In

Me & my Birthday Boy Tafilele  04-21-12
This week was so good!

I got back in the gym 4 out 5 days for 60+ minutes a session.

I was greeted by new machines & new weight challenges.

Talk about the WOW!

There's this thingy called a VersaClimber (it's like a ladder looking thing). I took a leap at it & I lasted all of 2 minutes before I had to get off least I need paramedic rescuing.

Climbing ladders is not for the stumpy legged (unless they're determined!). Its kinda awkward climbing because the depth of the rungs & grips are wide & I feel like I'm doing deep lunges in a vertical movement.
(we all know how I hate lunges)

The other new one is this weight machine for leg glutes. Supposedly what you do is like a reverse fly kick with weights. I got 70lbs easy but I lack control. Weights crashing & crashing means I need more muscle discipline. My fatty legs are in serious need of more strength training!

I started running hills. (Love It! Who knew it could be so very much fun? I wish I'd thought of it sooner.)
Anyhow, I'm running a 4.4mph on a 5% incline. In 75 second bursts. Then drop to a 3.6mph for 60 secs of "rest" and then revving back up till my mile is done.

Its hard & sweaty & breathless. My legs hurt by the 3 rotation up. My head wants to pop off of my shoulders & roll on the treadmill next to me. But those damn endorphins kick in & I feel like I just love everyone & why didn't I just run & run & run instead of having sex with people I didn't care about?

(running is better than the best sex I ever had. True Story!)

I've got some oldie but goodie songs playing on IPOD: Sea of HeartBreak by Kapena, When Doves Cry by Prince,Glad You Came (Remix) by the Wanted & We are Young (Shape Remix).

Its getting harder to separate myself from the scale. But I feel happier not jumping on it. Scale-Free April means I have to focus on what healthy really means to me.

With love & delicious ladders!

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

-0lbs:WIO & Weigh It In

It really sucks - this not weighing myself in (neurotically) on the scale.

I didn't fully understand how much of me is tied into that f*cking #. I hate it.

But that doesn't mean that I don't want to jump on random scales like the one at the mall or the one laying on the floor at WalMart, you know, just to check & see if its a number I can live with.

I'm beginning to harass my children, my family even my precious FatsieCakes with anal repetitive whines of "Do I look fatter?"

They're tired of it. I'm tired of it.

The answer is yes, I'm getting "softer". That's what happens when you stop working out & lifting weights... things get... "squishy".

(My clothes still fit. That's my Easter Dress that I bought but never wore last year. The kids love it. I'm giving it away.)

I see the biggest "squishiness" in my legs. They're gaining a lumpy-ness that I hate more than I hate the scale.

Squats & Lunges? We're about to become intimately acquainted.

That's it damnit! I refuse to be held hostage to a number on a scale. I just won't do it any more.

With love & delicious squishiness~

PS. Before I post my pictures I always get queasy thinking of all those bitches that hate my damn guts ( and yes they are out there). I know what they're saying about me ( assuming of course that they care what I do). But I take a deep breath & post them anyway. Why? Because I'm the Boss of Me. Not them & they don't get to coerce or belittle or intimidate me into anything. I EARNED ME!

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Happy Easter:Moments of MotherHood

It's been a rough couple of weeks for me & Katz.

Last weeks blow out with his Pediatrician, our consultation with his Therapist & endless meetings with teachers & conselors from school and Voila! here we are!
(Thank You God for Your tender mercies!)

He is well. Shaken but learning to roll with the (figurative) punches. Easing back into his schedule & trying to find out where & with whom he is safest with.

I some times forget that he's only 8 little years old.
Time has flown past me!
(Come Back! Come Back!)

He insisted that he have real eggs to color for his own Easter egg hunt. I tried to dissuade him, telling him it's too much work/I'm too tired/let's go to a big Easter egg hunt somewhere else.

He reminded me that he's still just a kid & he's never done his own eggs before. (which is true when I had to really think about it. His brothers usually colored them for him or filled plastic eggs instead)

So we had an Easter egg hunt this evening. Wow! The laughter & joy of all the children filled my heart up & over. No chocolate bunnies or bright yellow Peeps. Just a dozen hard boiled eggs & a laughing, smiling Katzu.

What more can a Mom ask for?
(I am so blessed.)

Thank You God for the gift of your son Jesus Christ's atonement for me. He has Arisen & I truly do believe He lives!

With love & delicious gratitude~

Thursday, April 5, 2012

I'm the Parent:Moments of MotherHood

,funny, proactive
by kennedy  I LOVE  you  all  

Katz is struggling with fear, his fear is making him immobile. Which is A.O.K with me. I know what fear is like ~ the uncertainty of things, people, places... stuff.

So, I'm going back to 3rd grade to help my youngest son be safe again in his world. This is what he needs to grow forward & I don't have a single problem providing it.

Things happen that trigger fear & learning that your faith is greater than your fear is a lesson worth learning at any age. Lucky for Katz, he's learning it young & while I am still here to make it learning as less damaging than it could be otherwise.

Yeah. I gotta agree with one of the speakers at the LDS General Conference this past week, this life is not meant to be easy or fair. It's meant to test us & polish us.

With love & delicious polishing~
Cy & Katz.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

-0 lbs & Not Counting: WIO & Weigh It In

I am cringing & praying & becoming very aware of what I'm putting into my face mouth body because I will be seriously upset (at myself) if I get to May 1st and find out I've gained 5lbs or 10lbs or (God! Help Me) - 20lbs.

(I ain't even kidding you. If I get to May 1st & I weigh more than I did on March 31st- I have a serious problem)

I have a problem any which way I look at it.

My life has been getting in the way of my life. In the past week, the sporadic workouts of the previous 2 weeks because nomadic and then null.

I haven't smelled the inside of my gym or even dug my running shoes out from the back of my truck in weeks.

How did this even happen to me? ME? me the workout obsessed?

It happened like this... my 3rd grader has been having tough time at school which means he's either at home sick or I'm at his school with him. The time that I've always set aside for myself to work out/run/sweat was eaten up & I hadn't figured out how to compensate for that.

And then other people needed things. Stuff needed to be done. Electrical & Water companies had to be dealt with. Landlords with issues had to be straightened out. Spiritual filling up of the cups of myself & others had to be done. Children & people had to know that I love them & miss them.

I hear what the fitness guru's say - that I must make time for myself to care for myself - that I can not continue to shove my personal needs aside to care for the needs of others. I have to take care of me first so that I can take care of every one & every thing else better.

My health (such as it is) is all I really got.

I feel like my clothes are getting tighter. I feel like I gain weight when ever I just look at food. I feel like I've gotten fatter.

But is that accurate? Have I gotten to big for my clothes? Did I gain weight? I can't tell you. Other people are looking at me & say Wow! You look like you're getting smaller, what are you doing? My kids say I look the same.

I miss the scale. I hate the power I've assigned to it to determine for me what I am or not. Until you've felt the fear of being so fat that FAT isn't even a big enough word to describe it (but morbidly obese is) - it's hard to explain the anxiety/paranoia/pissed off ness that I have about losing my fitness for fatness.

With love & delicious fattiness~

PS. Stacey, weekly photos are starting to suck. But I promised. Here it is. I want to airbrush out/liposuction my thighs.

PPS. That tat is so not real! *laughs* that's my photo shop sticker of the day!

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Chose the Right:Time Out Tuesday

It's not often that I am given the choice between right & right. Maybe to your eyes you will see clear divisions between my choices today. Me? I had to think about it. A lot.

Today is Tuesday. Tuesday's are my designated Temple Day. I set aside time on Tuesdays for me to worship my Heavenly Father in His House & to give service in His name to those sisters who can not do for themselves.  I also set this day aside to pray specifically for those whom I have stewardship over, those whom I love, those whom wish me ill.

I dropped my children off at school this morning and then headed back home. On my way home, I stopped at FoodLand to pick up stuff for dinner (we're having soup & sandwiches!). I got home 5 minutes after 8 to see 5 missed calls from Laie Elementary.

It was the school nurse. Katz was sick. Again.
Sim was sulking about his games.
Mother Hubbard called with several errands to do for her.
I re-arranged my day. So very much to do.

I worried through out that Tuesday, if I'd find time to go to the Temple, if Katz would get better, if everything would get done.

I'm glad to say that even though it was at the very end of my day (and well into the night), I was able to go before it closed.
(Thank You, God!)

Sunday's Relief Society Fireside spoke about Marthas & Marys (the sisters in the New Testament in which one worked while the other sat at Christ's feet to worship). I have always - since the ALWAYS- had a gripe with this parable & the way that Martha is portrayed. Again at our RS it was said that we need to be Marys not Marthas - to not let the every day doings of our lives get in the way of whats important (which the speaker said was worshipping Christ).

Well, let me tell you I'm proud to be a Martha. I make it possible for others to sit and worship. I live my testimony out loud. Some of us are doers. Some of us are sitters.

Doesn't make one better than the other - it just makes us different.
We all have our place in God's House.

With love & delicious worship~