Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Why Am I Doing This Crazy Again?: WIO & Weigh It In Wednesday
Let's talk about why I keep posting posterior pictures when I know damned well it doesn't make me look prettier/slimmer/whatever.
I post the rear view because it is my most flawed & most nerve wracking area for me to see posted up. I can post my face & yay me... it doesn't look fat(ter). But a picture of my behind? Aww what the HelloKitty????
(It gives me a chance to see the "real" me & accept it & work on it.)
It's about me being honest with myself & holding myself to the kind of standard that I expect me to have. That's me.
Un-photoshopped. Un-tinted. Un-brushed.
I don't really like it.
I am very uncomfortable posting it.
I see it & I see fattyfatty2by4can'tfitthruthekitchendoor.
For all the work I've done & all the shit I've given up - where is the super slim waif I expect to see?
Where skinny bitch are you hiding?
Why fatass have you eaten my skinny bitch up?
30 days of no donuts & mayo & butter & chocolate hasn't made a single dent in the scale crazies. I gained another 4 lbs. All together my 2 week mental vacay cost me 8 lbs.
Monday was my first day back in the gym in 2 weeks. (btw- Yay, Me! A for Effort!)
I ain't gonna lie ~ I didn't want to suit up & show up. I looked at people running on the pavements & walking on the sidewalks and I asked myself, "Why in the hell are they RUNNING for? God! Can't they just sit down or lay down? Why did I used to do that crazy stuff for? I'm crazy! They're crazy! I want to go sit down again."
But habit & commitment won out over laziness & general suckiness.
I did stairs up & down & with weights for 15 minutes. (Because why ease into it if you can just step right into the crazy?) And barely broke a sweat but it did remind my leg muscles that they'd been on a vacay for 2 weeks and that the USS FatAss had sailed.
During that 15 minutes, I watched other people running & sweating & turning red in the face & breathing hard. I stared at them (while trying to maintain my own stepping pace) and asked myself why did I ever DO that kind of crap any way? Watching people run is so much more fun than running yourself.
As soon as that little maggot popped into my head, I took a time out to stretch. 10 minutes. While stretching, it actually occurred to me to call it & go home.
And then I decided, screw that! I'm gonna start to run today. I'm going to see if I can answer for myself why I used to run, why other people run, why any one in the world runs for fun.
I gotta tell you... starting from scratch (again) isn't easy. Mentally. Physically, my body will do what ever it is my mind tells it too. Its just that my mind has been on __________ for 2 weeks.
My Running Coach (God Bless You!) gave me an outline to follow so that I can accomplish my goal of running a straight 5k (no resting/walking/crawling allowed) in my kill time of 45 minutes. I think its very do-able. After 2 weeks of dodging his emails, I can proudly report back for duty today.
He gave me 20 minutes to do my mile today. 5 minutes to warm up at an easy walking pace (my easy is 2.5mph) & then the 20 min to do my mile. Since I'm back at week 1, what I got was to walk 1 minute, run 30 secs & alternate until either my time is done or my mile is done. As he & I discussed, the point is not that I can run faster or longer but that I'm building up the muscle & bones to take the weight & stress of distance running. We're teaching my body (from the basics) to handle running longer & faster & farther a little bit at a time.
Which is very good according to RC (running coach!) and then he said I need to clean up my eating (again). Too much salt. Not enough lean protein. (No! polish dogs w/deli mustard & chopped onions from Costco do not count as a lean protein! LOL) Very good that I kicked the mayo & the butter & the donuts. Not so good that I subbed in chips & full fat ranch dressing.
So why am I doing this again? Why do I work out again? Why do I get all sweaty & ugly in the gym for?
Because I hate being flabby AND I really do like wearing clothes I can pull of the racks at any store I walk into. I like being strong enough to haul a bunch of bananas. I like being able to do 5 military style push ups in a row. I like knowing that at 40 years old ~ I am in way better shape than I was when I was 20 years old. I like that I can walk 10 miles straight & not cry or pass out or drop dead. I like that my feet do not hurt when I walk or run or lift weights. I really really really like that I can run a mile. I like that I have the freedom to move around a lot if I want too & am not confined to being seated in the fat section of a restaurant if I choose to eat out.
(the "fat" section is similar & near to where they seat the wheelchairs. It's the section of the restaurant that has chairs with no arms & tables that can adjust to allow a dinner more "room" to get comfy)
8 pounds. I have 9 days to drop that 8 pounds just so I can be back at where I was.
*pulls at my hair* Here we go people... lets get those 8 pounds, okay?
with love & supposedly delicious fatassness~