Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Giving Up the (Scale) Crazy: WIO & Weigh It In

-2lbs for the week.

Which leaves me still +6lbs for the whole month of March.
*sigh*

What an interesting month March has been.
(Thank God it's finished!)

My working out/running schedules have been chaotic & sporadic at best. Overwhelmed at first slid into Recovering which turned into Spring Break that ended in a new job hunt, possibly searching for new housing & increased spiritual workouts instead.

I went thru the JackInTheCrack drivethru more times in March 2012 than I did in all the past four years added up.

(which is a lot)

But what did I end up eating there? A medium season curly fries & 2 buttermilk sauces. At least 3 times a week. The last one I had was last week Saturday. I decided to take a look at what all that fried fattiness was costing me. So I looked it up.

According to their nutritional guide, JackInTheBox my favorite fat poison cost me 430 calories & 25 grams of fat for the medium curly fries. That buttermilk house sauce? 130 calories & 13 grms of fat per a little box/tablespoon of it.

What the hell?

In just one set I'd eaten 690 calories AND 51 grms of fat. If you're ready to pass out just reading that, you can imagine my screams & frustration! How could I have been so careless as to eat something so detrimental to my health?

Part of it has to do with Lent & the things I gave up to keep my promises. Part of it was stress eating.

I felt (and here's where the faulty thinking starts) that since I'd given up donuts, mayo, butter and chocolate - that there was plenty of space in my dietary plan to substitute other things in. In place of donuts, I ate cookies made with oil even though 3 cookies ran up 140 calories & 5 grms of fat (I ate about 9 of them in 1 set). Since I gave up mayo, I felt buttermilk sauce (which let me tell you has no butter or milk & is totally made of ingredients I can't pronounce) was an acceptable substitute. And the no butter thingy? Well, they don't fry fries in butter. And peanut butter isn't butter. It's peanuts!

Let's not even get into the chocolate substitutes.

The point of all this is that even four years later into this healthier living, I got sloppy with the basics: Know what you're eating, don't eat because your feeling something, lean protein first & fats last, vegetables & fruits always. And for the love of God, I need to give up fast food drives forever. Amen!

( I don't need to wonder where those 8 pounds came from.)

April 2012 starts tomorrow.  My friends over at GoKaleo and Angie Gooding are down for giving up the scale crazies for the whole month of April. They're doing this as a statement to the world that we are women are more than a number, more than a size. We are strong. We are healthy. We are fit.

Can I even imagine a world without a scale that haunts me, taunts me & wrecks my day? When did I even start becoming one of those women who measure everything by the pluses & minuses on a piece of machinery?

March 31, 2012
There was a time in my life where I judged my weight loss based on how far I could walk, if my clothes fit right. I had to give up weighing in because even though I was getting healthier & fitter - the scale made me fight for every single damn pound my body gave up. It got discouraging watching others eat like shit, never workout & STILL DROP WEIGHT ON THE SCALES!!!

(I've secretly hated them out loud. bitches.)

I'm going to give up the scale for 30 days. God help me survive it.

With love & deliciousness~
Cy.

Monday, March 26, 2012

Keeping Your Mouth Shut: Moments of MotherHood

According to my horoscope this week is the week where I'll thank myself for keeping my mouth shut.

(Yes its true some people really do need to hear it & yes its true I really do want to say it to them. Loudly. With a lot of ad lib swear words)

But in the long run & for the greater good - what does telling a person off because they said or did something inconsiderate & selfish do?

(It does nothing but give you an opportunity to practice repentance over & over & over. There are better ways to fix a situation than telling someone off)

This past week, Mother Hubbard (whom I love very much!) said several inconsiderate things to me that got my temper flared.

Part of the digs at me were made because she is my mother but that doesn't mean she is my children's mother. I mother my children, my way. That's my business. Her business is to mother me, her way. Her being my mother does not in any way in my head auto-translate into mothering my children.

I was thinking about cornering her during Family Home Evening & having a grand out about it. And yet, after a long day at church & remembering my Ex, I decided to just suck it up & think my way through it before I said anything to her.

We had a beautiful Family Home Evening last night. Sans the pissed off parts. And today, I've let it go. I love my mother, speaking without thinking & especially yelling without thinking - would be hurtful to this woman who I have Eternities to hang out with. Better to keep the crazies in my head than let them escape to run rampant.

There's a whole list of people who've been yanking on the Temper Train this past week. All of them still with the living. *grins*

Anyhow, long story short - I want to thank my Ex-Husband for being my guinea pig. He let me learn one of the most valuable lessons of my life: To keep my damn mouth shut. Just Shut Up.

I'm ashamed to admit, I behaved as if when you're married to someone - it gave you (me) the right to vomit forth on the other person all sorts of foul mouthed expletives, treat them horribly & call them names and that they had to take it because Hello? That's your spouse!

I learned the keep my mouth shut lesson on the day that I had such a shitty day at work, a shitty day with the X before the Ex, the landlord was asking for rent, the electricity company was getting ready to cut our power, the bank was looking to repo our car, the babysitter quit, our baby was sick with asthma and I had the period from hell. I was tired. I was the only one with a paid job. My Ex had picked me up from work, had dropped our baby off to his family & then parked our car at home to tell me - he took $200 from our account to give to his family.

The money was gone.

Dear God. I never knew I had it in me to be such a bitch! I mean, I really do know I am a bitch. But the things I said to him that afternoon - Wow! I watched the clock on the dashboard. I railed for 45 minutes. I screamed for that 45 minutes. He didn't say much except for look at me with that LOOK of hurt & pain. I think that may have been another turning moment for him when he was absolutely sure that if he ever got out alive from being married to me, he would never willingly marry another woman again.

He didn't deserve it. I didn't deserve to disrespect myself so very much. I said I was sorry. Sorry only goes so far.

And I've never made that mistake again. Even when my temper was flaring. I take time outs before my mouth does damages. I like being safe instead of sorry.

With love & delicious shutting up~
Cy.

Friday, March 23, 2012

5 Question Friday 3.23.12


Thanks to fellow bloggeress Stacey for the 5QFriday!!! You can find Stacey & her blog here: staceyarcher

1. If you were free to just hop in the car and drive, where would you go? Or, if you could hop a plane and go anywhere, where?

Samoa. I would get on a plane & go to American Samoa first & then over to Samoa. I miss home terribly & haven't been back in nearly 9 years.

2. What’s your most recently read favorite book?

I read voraciously. I always have at least 2 books in my bag. Most recently read favorite? Nora Roberts Savor the Moment (part of the Bride series). The heroine is a baker who's been in love with her BFF's older brother since they were children. I have a (secret) weakness for romance novels. *smiles*

3. What’s your favorite Spring Break memory?

My children are always home with me for Spring Break so every Spring Break is a memory. Not always a happy memory but certainly memorable!!! (think piles of dishes! and an empty fridge! LOL!)

4. What do you put in your child’s Easter basket? Or, for those w/o kids, what was put in your childhood basket?

We don't do baskets as much as we do bags... generally eggs & chocolate & boy things like toy cars & trucks or stickers & posters.

5. Do you get a summer haircut?
There is something about July that always gets me to cut my hair off or atleast get it trimmed. We'll see about this year since I already cut my hair short & plan to cut it even shorter today or tomorrow... or sooner instead of later.
Me & Katz goofing around 

Have a Fantastic Friday!!!! Me & Katz are off to have breakfast together & make a little bit of mischief in the world!!!

with love & laughter ~
Cy & Katzu


Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Why Am I Doing This Crazy Again?: WIO & Weigh It In Wednesday


Let's talk about why I keep posting posterior pictures when I know damned well it doesn't make me look prettier/slimmer/whatever.

I post the rear view because it is my most flawed & most nerve wracking area for me to see posted up. I can post my face & yay me... it doesn't look fat(ter). But a picture of my behind? Aww what the HelloKitty????

(It gives me a chance to see the "real" me & accept it & work on it.)

It's about me being honest with myself & holding myself to the kind of standard that I expect me to have. That's me.

Un-photoshopped. Un-tinted. Un-brushed.

I don't really like it.
I am very uncomfortable posting it.
I see it & I see fattyfatty2by4can'tfitthruthekitchendoor.
For all the work I've done & all the shit I've given up - where is the super slim waif I expect to see?
Where skinny bitch are you hiding?
Why fatass have you eaten my skinny bitch up?

30 days of no donuts & mayo & butter & chocolate hasn't made a single dent in the scale crazies. I gained another 4 lbs. All together my 2 week mental vacay cost me 8 lbs.

shit.
shit.
shit!


Monday was my first day back in the gym in 2 weeks. (btw- Yay, Me! A for Effort!)

I ain't gonna lie ~ I didn't want to suit up & show up. I looked at people running on the pavements & walking on the sidewalks and I asked myself, "Why in the hell are they RUNNING for? God! Can't they just sit down or lay down? Why did I used to do that crazy stuff for? I'm crazy! They're crazy! I want to go sit down again."

But habit & commitment won out over laziness & general suckiness.

I did stairs up & down & with weights for 15 minutes. (Because why ease into it if you can just step right into the crazy?) And barely broke a sweat but it did remind my leg muscles that they'd been on a vacay for 2 weeks and that the USS FatAss had sailed.

During that 15 minutes, I watched other people running & sweating & turning red in the face & breathing hard. I stared at them (while trying to maintain my own stepping pace) and asked myself why did I ever DO that kind of crap any way? Watching people run is so much more fun than running yourself.

As soon as that little maggot popped into my head, I took a time out to stretch. 10 minutes. While stretching, it actually occurred to me to call it & go home.

And then I decided, screw that! I'm gonna start to run today. I'm going to see if I can answer for myself why I used to run, why other people run, why any one in the world runs for fun.

I gotta tell you... starting from scratch (again) isn't easy. Mentally. Physically, my body will do what ever it is my mind tells it too. Its just that my mind has been on __________ for 2 weeks.

My Running Coach (God Bless You!) gave me an outline to follow so that I can accomplish my goal of running a straight 5k (no resting/walking/crawling allowed) in my kill time of 45 minutes. I think its very do-able. After 2 weeks of dodging his emails, I can proudly report back for duty today.

He gave me 20 minutes to do my mile today. 5 minutes to warm up at an easy walking pace (my easy is 2.5mph) & then the 20 min to do my mile. Since I'm back at week 1, what I got was to walk 1 minute, run 30 secs & alternate until either my time is done or my mile is done. As he & I discussed, the point is not that I can run faster or longer but that I'm building up the muscle & bones to take the weight & stress of distance running. We're teaching my body (from the basics) to handle running longer & faster & farther a little bit at a time.

Which is very good according to RC (running coach!) and then he said I need to clean up my eating (again). Too much salt. Not enough lean protein. (No! polish dogs w/deli mustard & chopped onions from Costco do not count as a lean protein! LOL) Very good that I kicked the mayo & the butter & the donuts. Not so good that I subbed in chips & full fat ranch dressing.

*sigh*

So why am I doing this again? Why do I work out again? Why do I get all sweaty & ugly in the gym for?
Because I hate being flabby AND I really do like wearing clothes I can pull of the racks at any store I walk into. I like being strong enough to haul a bunch of bananas. I like being able to do 5 military style push ups in a row. I like knowing that at 40 years old ~ I am in way better shape than I was when I was 20 years old. I like that I can walk 10 miles straight & not cry or pass out or drop dead. I like that my feet do not hurt when I walk or run or lift weights. I really really really like that I can run a mile. I like that I have the freedom to move around a lot if I want too & am not confined to being seated in the fat section of a restaurant if I choose to eat out.

(the "fat" section is similar & near to where they seat the wheelchairs. It's the section of the restaurant that has chairs with no arms & tables that can adjust to allow a dinner more "room" to get comfy)

8 pounds. I have 9 days to drop that 8 pounds just so I can be back at where I was.

*pulls at my hair* Here we go people... lets get those 8 pounds, okay?

with love & supposedly delicious fatassness~
Cy.




Monday, March 19, 2012

PeanutButter & Jam Cupcakes:Moments of MotherHood


So, while I was on a vacay from working out & eating clean ~ I needed a dessert that would satisfy my sweet tooth without breaking my Lent sacrifices (No donuts, no mayo, no butter & no chocolate).

Katzu & I were messing around in the kitchen the other Sunday & decided we'd make some PB&J Cupcakes.

PB&J Cupcakes
1 box of white or yellow cake mix
1 egg
1 cup of water
1/2 cup of your favorite peanut butter
(we used Skippy Extra Crunchy)
1/4 cup of vegetable oil
1 tsp vanilla extract


We put everything into the bowl at once & mixed until blended. The batter came out thick & almost fudge-like. (we confess ~ we swiped some batter straight from the bowl!)


We used a microwave to bake these cupcakes. 6 to a microwave cupcake pan @ 3minutes. Brought them out & let them cool.


PB&J Frosting
1/2 cup of your favorite peanut butter
1/2 cup of cream cheese ( we used Philly's Fat Free)
1 cup of powdered sugar


We found it easier to blend the peanut butter & the cream cheese first & then add in the powdered sugar slowly. 


Our sample tasters said it was one of the more interesting cupcakes. The cake part is really tender & the peanut butter makes it nearly melt in your mouth when your eating it. The meltiness of it stops just short of goopey as your swallowing it. But it was very peanut buttery & the tiny 1/2 tsp of jam on the top adds another layer of flavor.


I used both strawberry (my personal favorite) and grape jam (everyone else's favorite) on the cupcakes.


Katzu liked them a lot. I ate 4 of them. Which would explain last weeks weight gain!


With love & delicious PB&J cupcakes~
Cy.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Stopping the Slide up the Scale: WIO & Weigh It In Wednesday


+4.6lbs this past week.

Which isn't great but isn't all that bad either. Especially when you consider I haven't worked out at all in 2 solid weeks or watched what I eat as meticulously as I usually do.

(Never mind that right at this moment, I am eating a homemade cinnamon roll!)

I knew that weight gain was coming because it didn't show up in last weeks weigh in. Still, seeing it on the scale made me go a bit queasy. (I kept saying to myself, please please please don't let me have gained 20lbs!!!)

I am NOT going to beat myself up about it. But let's talk about where this weight gain is really coming from.

Losing weight & getting fit requires from me a level of mental commitment & focus that I am usually very careful to nurture & protect. For me, getting fit isn't just about taking my ass to the gym or walking - its about making myself mentally, spiritually, emotionally & physically balanced.

Balanced & well.

When I tip the scales in any of those aspects, it takes it toll on the other things. Mentally, I over committed my physical self & so basically my mental focus just went on vacation & took my body with it. I'm just about done resting my mind & am almost ready to re-focus my self.

I am always always always aware of how dangerous it is for me to gain weight/lose fitness. If I am not careful, its easy for me to free fall into the fatty Hells. Seriously. All it takes is a month of eating fast foods, candies, cakes & so forth and I'm back in the upper levels of the scale staring at numbers that aren't real to me.

(I haven't even had a candy bar since last March!)

I have been eating a lot of salt... more than sugar or fat, SALT is my number one enemy at the scale. It makes me retain water like a sponge. I'm still drinking anywhere from 1 to 2 gallons of water a day. And eating salty chips, salty crackers, salty Li Hing Mui, salty everything. I've stopped short of pouring salt into my palm & licking it off. (which I don't mind saying, I've done before in a previous unhealthier existence).

I've eaten so much salt, I've burned my tongue on it. Which is really stupid to eat so much salt that I can't taste anything else unless its extremely sugary or saltier.

Getting rid of all the salt or at least reducing my current addiction to it - is what I'm working on this week.

So what now?

The what now is that I take time to enjoy today. Because tomorrow is Sunday & thus a new week. One of the things my nutritionist taught me is to take time out to re-set my mind & that it's always easier to start when you've prepared adequately to begin.

1500/100 starts (again) tomorrow. Which I'm ready for. I'm still going strong on the No DMBC (donuts, Mayo, Butter & Chocolate) for Lent. I'll be back in the weight room on Monday & back into my running program too.

I made a promise to myself years ago when I decided to take charge of my life - I would never ever ever again see my highest weight on the scale again. EVER. It's really easy to get back to 400+lbs if you don't keep track of the pounds one by one.

I chose the pictures above because I don't look my best or fittest in them. It's easy to see my problem areas in them. They make me cringe because in terms of physical goals - I want to drive my fat percentages down but my lower body is hoarding a grand percentage of my body fat. The shirt I'm wearing is a Large & the shorts are also a Large.

To my eyes, I look fat & lumpy & wow! is my butt? Yes it is. (How the hell do I get all that ass into a pair of pants anyhow?)

I was tempted to not post a picture of myself this week but I decided that wouldn't be fair to me. If I can be ballsy enough to post pictures of when I feel good about my body - I can be brave enough to post pictures of when I don't feel my body is good enough.

With Love & delicious lumps in my humps~
Cy.


Monday, March 12, 2012

I'm 40 ~ NOT 4!!!:Moments of MotherHood

This is Mother Hubbard. I'm sure you've met her before. She's my mother. She's like 64 years old feisty.

<----- This picture is of her & her grandson Leilua at our family farm in Hauula. She's plenty irritated because some other soul came & cut the blossom off the bottom of the bunch.

Mother was on Spring Break this past week, as were all her grandchildren.

It was an exercise in keeping my mouth shut as Mother "corrected", "interjected" & "interrupted" my usual schedules & scoldings of my own children.

I can't even begin to tell you how much glee my children derived from watching me get reprimanded by my own mother.

Normally, Mother & I get along just fine. We respect each others "mothering" boundaries. She leaves me to mother my own children however I see fit & doesn't comment yay or nay.

Except for when we're all home for a week & every body is every where!

She's nagging at my hair to the point that she's offered to pay money to have a professional cut it. (I said no. I'm going to buzz it all off ~ for free ~ all by myself!) She's having me drive her to the opposite side of the island when I told her I was going in the other direction. She's insisting on weeding more & more in the noon day sun, when I've told her - I'm done & now I'm going home. I'm telling my sons what to do & she's telling them how to do it. I'm in Kaneohe running my own errands when she calls demanding pork chops & stuffing for dinner. Then when I rush home with her request, she's already eaten saimin!

Our little papaya tree!
*sigh* I love my mother. I swear that I do. I'd be lonely without her here. I love living with her. I love her making me kinda nuts all the time. It's just that some times, she forgets.... I'm 40 not 4.

With love & delicious crazy mothering~
Cy.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

OverWhelmed: WIO & Weigh It In Wednesdays



This one is late.

Its just been one of those kinds a weeks where everything must have your attention immediately & all you want to do is crawl over into a nice warm comfy bed with a good book & a hot drink. I can say honestly, that instead of reverting back to the cheetos or tossing all my hard work to the wind & pissing on it - I found some other edible diversions.

I went to Jack In The Box Drive Thru several times this past week. I ordered medium curly fries & a Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger & 2 buttermilk sauces. I only ate 1/2 of the fries & both of the buttermilks. For some reason, I never get around to eating the burger!

I've also eaten at Zippys this past week. Oatmeal & regular cornbread (no butter). And today I ate at Dennys. It's been over a year since I've set foot in a Dennys. I ate the blueberry pancake puppies sundae. No butter & no chocolate! But lots of sugar! Yummy!

I'm 0 for 7 of workouts this week. Bad scheduling. Bad attitude. Bad set.

My weight which I did take on Wednesday was neither +lbs or -lbs. Maybe this weeks damage will show up next week eh?

-0lbs. So I'm maintaining last weeks weight loss which tells me nothing really.

Except for that with no working out this past week & blowing my 1500/100... my body is being patient as my mind sorts some stuff out.

So lets see whats going on...

First on the agenda: LIFE.

I got some news that will be changing my lifestyle. That took up a good chunk of my mental energy. It wasn't bad news or anything ~ just news that things are changing & that I've got to gear up & get myself going. Change isn't easy & I needed the time out that I took this week from everything to set my mind straight for the upcoming challenges adventures.

Second: Commitment's

I wrote last week about joining my GET FIT 100 buddies for a challenge. 10 days later, I'm ready to bail on them. I've thought a lot about what it is that bugs me about this. I don't really know them & it doesn't seem like there is a cohesive effort to really get in there & support the 42 members of the group by the group. There are a couple of them who know each other from previous group efforts but other than one of the administrators, I don't know any of them.

The other things that bugs me is that I feel over-whelmed by the challenges. These were challenges I decided to do or extend as my commitment to Get Fit (the group). I thought it would be fun to do these things with a group of people. I'm finding out that its not that much fun & that I'm not really interested in sharing what I am or am not doing/struggling with/succeeding at with them. I already had/have my own thing going on that I've been working on. Mostly because I don't want to intrude on their own struggles with my own fitness dramas.

I have other challenges (such as a picture of myself each week, temple attendance each week, writing to a friend each month, workouts 5 out of 7 days a week etc etc etc) that already take up a good portion of my mental energy.

The challenges I committed to the group are just more things for me to mentally focus my body on. It's taking a toll on my mental energies & I need all of that to get it done.

Amazingly, just leaving the group felt like a huge relief. ( I did that tonight).

Third: Now what?

The 1500/100 still goes to August 11. The NO DMBC for Lent (donuts, mayo, butter & chocolate) goes till June 7th. The 100 miles? I like it. I think I'll re-start that on Monday & also end that on August 11. 100 squats/lunges/burpees a week? I like the idea of it... I'm going to have to think if I like the doing of it.

Tomorrow is a new day. I look forward to it.

With love & delicious overs~
Cy.


Wow. This is the best picture of me for the week. I was sure I did a picture of me Tuesday for Wednesday but I can't find it in my archives!

The black & white photo was taken exactly one year ago.  The two color photos are from this week. The bottom one is from tonight.

Ahhhh!

(Oh well.)


Tuesday, March 6, 2012

What is your background in?: TimeOut Tuesdays

So I'm working on a something & this question came up.

"What is your background in?"

I'm stumped as how to answer it. It's a pretty straight forward question.

But what is it really asking me?

Is the person asking me what certificates I have in volunteering? or if I am qualified to gather information for an e-bulletin? or if I am a professional writer/photographer/regurgitator of information?

It kinda sticks at me because people have a tendency to want to put me into a slot that is comfortable & familiar for them to digest.

To them, I am what ever it is I am employed (that being paid employed) at. Without a P.A.I.D. job ~ I lack (in their perspective) any sort of background to have a background to pull from.

These are also the same group of people for whom the number of $$$'s in my bank account, the color of my skin AND the status of my religious activity is directly proportional to my worth as a human being.

Then they get all twisted like a pretzel when I tell them, I am not a paid employee of any company or organizations, my bank account is anorexic, the brown of my skin comes from generations of Polynesian ancestors and its none of their damn business if I am a "good" Mormon or a "bad" Mormon or even if I am Mormon at all.

( I have traveled this road before)

Can I satisfactorily answer the question by replying that my background is in Mothering? And if I can answer  with that - what does Mothering mean?

Is Mothering a recognized profession? Do I have any certification certifying my ability to Mother?

But back to the original question: What is your background in?

With love & delicious question confusion~
Cy.


Monday, March 5, 2012

Being Super: Moments of MotherHood

Tafilele's Super Citizen loot!

I wonder if any of the teachers, administrators or faculty recognize how important Super Citizen awards & assemblies are to the students & families & friends.

I watch month after month as parents & siblings & aunts & uncles & all sorts of cousins make or buy a variety of candy/toy/money lei's and crowd on to the campus to celebrate with their Super Citizen.

They happily shell out many dollars to buy lei's from the stands or grab bags or posters for their kid. These are people who have other places to be, other things to do but they make the time & find the money to let their child know - You're important to me.


(How do the school people miss this?)

I had my third son's teacher ask me if I was okay with him missing an SFA reading class to attend his older brother's Super Citizen award assembly (they're in different grades). She stood there in the classroom door ready to tell me No, my son can not leave class when I looked right back at her with a Oh yes he is leaving. Right now.

(He left with me to go to the assembly)

I thought it was stupid of her to ask me that especially when as a school, the school doesn't mind children missing SFA to attend assembly in support of their classmates. I say that because for every Super Citizen assembly, the whole school take time out from its SFA reading time to attend assembly. They all miss it. And had it not been raining, Katz would've been there anyway. Since the school is large, they split the assembly into 2 sections: k-3 & then 4-6.

I  intended to go back & confront her about her attitude but guess what? She's a PTT (part time teacher) & had already departed the campus.

(Lucky her.)


Super Citizen awards for our family is about strengthening our family ties by being in a family moment. When my sons look back on their lives - their going to see & remember, we were here. All of us. That picture of my three boys would not have been possible if that damned teacher had her selfish short sighted narrow minded way because to her a reading lesson was more important that being a family.

She could not have bought back for my children the moment of them sharing in each others joy. She could not have recaptured the look on Tafilele's face seeing both of his brothers waiting with lei's & posters for him to come out of the cafeteria. She can not in any ability re-create the joyful noise & teasing of each my children in that time.

She can however keep on teaching reading. The book is not going to run away never to be read again & neither is the lesson. It can be re-taught. It can be re-done. It can be replaced.

I wonder if the ambiguity of selecting & recognizing Super Citizens was equally applied to teachers, faculty & administrators how they would feel about that. Oh, wait! That's what we're already trying to do to teachers by re-structuring their pay scales based on the performance of their students testing scores!

(Maybe they do realize how unfair it is. Maybe.)

I watched this last award assembly with some amusement. One whole 3rd grade class went with no Super Citizens. Why do teachers insist on wasting these precious few opportunities to boost the morale of their students & families by focusing on ambiguous qualities? For one teacher even if a student is struggling academically but is socially progressive this would count as a Super Citizen. For another, high academic scores & low social progression is another Super Citizen.

Some times I don't get it. These teachers have many of us parents by the throat waiting anxiously for our children to be "recognized" as the Super Citizens they truly are. As a parent, we get stuck with the "doesn't my teacher like me? I did so good this last month but she didn't pick me" or some such version of that question.

(Borrowing from KCCN 100's morning show... I wish on each teacher that has ever held his or her Super Citizen recommendation for a student HOSTAGE until their demands are met or excelled academically ~ massive toilet shattering diarrhea.)

A lot of effort goes into being a teacher. But I wonder if teachers really sit down & think about the effort a child puts into being a student. What children are expected to learn & regurgitate on a daily basis in a class room astounds me.

I remember when the hardest thing I had to "learn" to do when I was in kindergarten 35 some odd years ago - was to play nice, not bite the other kids & wipe my own ass nose. Now a days, kinder aged kids are learning algebra & reading & the power of pressure from themselves & teachers & families & friends as everyone pushes kids to be smarter/faster/better than all the other kids.

(Is it any wonder that our kids start unraveling as we continue cranking up the torque?)

I know that my 3 boys have each challenged all of their teachers. They are bright, they are smart and they are capable of so much more than what their teachers are getting from them. A good portion of what their teachers are NOT GETTING from them is because of me.

Because I believe that while my children are children, they deserve more than anything else to have a childhood. There will be time for them to continue learning book stuff. Once they move on from childhood - they can never get it back again.

With love & delicious Super Citizens~
Cy.