Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Happy Valentines Day to Me!:Time Out Tuesdays 2/14/12

Valentines Day.

(I'm not sure if I want to slap myself or jump up & down for joy!)

Happy happy happy Valentines Day!!!
(I opt for jumping up & down! Maybe I'll lose a pound before weigh in tomorrow!)

I'm just bursting with chalky tasting hearts & full fatty chocolates (none of which have crossed my lips & taken up permanent residence on my hips) & I'm ready to mail off all of my Valentines today!
(Today is going to be so very awesome!)

Have to put my Valentines in bigger envelopes today
I had the most amazing fun picking out Valentines for myself this year to send to my all my Valentines. The little guys (who are all taller than me now) opted no Valentines cards or candies for their classes & friends. I guess being 8 & 11 years old means you're too old to pick out & give cheesy Valentines from WalMart to 16 or 27 of your classmates.

Which is good for me!

There were so many to choose from this year! I'm telling ya ~ shopping for a Valentines Day card that expresses ones most whimsical & heart filled desire is kinda hard work. How do you emote Happy Valentines Day Let's Go Eat Some Man in a tasteful & humorous way without being offensive? (Ha! I should do my own cards next year)

Valentines Day & I have developed a love/hate relationship over the years.

I got pregnant with my oldest son on Valentines Day 1992. While I was on the pill no less (but also taking antibiotics ~ which neither my OB-GYN or Family Planning nurse bothered to mention to me would decrease the "effectiveness" of birth control). He was my Valentines gift from his daddy, whom I no longer speak too. (collective sigh & shrug for being stupid & 18 years old)

A few years later, I got married on Valentines Day 2000 in Apia, Samoa. I'm not sure what poltergeists possessed me to do such a thing on such a beautiful holiday! But then again I'm also one of those tacky people who absolutely want to get married in the little Chapel of Love in Las Vegas, Nevada by an Elvis Impersonator in the biggest ugliest dress I can squeeze myself into.
(Hmmm... maybe next year? While I'm Stalking the Manu Samoa Rugby Team?Ha!)

That's him signing his life over to me. That's me in my sister's blue prom dress - sans a bra & pantie because we had just gone swimming at this most amazing beach in Apia & well, let's just say it was a very Happy Valentines last hurrah to singleness before everything just went to hell. (well, Hell maybe taking literary literal licenses to far)

And may I also just add that sex in salty ocean water is way over rated & burns in places where it ought never burn at? (yeah, I don't know how they do it in the movies)

Flash forward to Valentines Day 2008. I get a email from my attorney, the divorce is officially granted. (On Valentines Day no less. Couldn't they wait one more day? It's hilarious to me & I have to laugh)

Single again.
I sat at my desk
& cried
& thanked God that I got full custody of my children.
He got his freedom.

But before you think that I've gotten off the Hearts On Fire merri-go-around & around....

Valentines Day 2009: the legally & lawfully declared EX is making noises about "putting his family back together" and wants to get married again... He proposes in a backhanded sort of way that makes me have to clarify out loud in a very slow voice,"Are you asking me to marry you? Again? Do you have like memory recall failure? You do know who I am don't you?"

To which he swore at me in Samoan & said "Yes, I want to marry you. Again. On Valentines Day to celebrate our 10th anniversary." (what a brave AND stupid man)

Valentines Day 2010: He picked the date as a tribute to our first go at marriage - which should have been my first clue that Hullo! Not such a lucky date for me!

Things had changed for him. More honestly put, things had never changed for him & he was unable to do something that his penis heart wasn't truly invested in.

I got a phone call a few weeks earlier where he explained that he's not an angel (which I thought was ironic considering Angels were the theme of the imaginary wedding I was planning in my imagination) and that may be some time or may be some day but that I shouldn't lose hope (cue the raised eyebrow & sarcastic look).

Valentines Day 2010
I didn't marry him that day. I didn't even speak to him that day. I spent it hiking KokoHead crater & Makapuu Point. Then after I got a good sweat on AND ate a fabulous lunch at the Aloha Tower Market Place with my sister ~ I went home, looked at the wedding dress I bought that was white no less & then stuffed it in the trash.

I'm relieved that he & I had the good sense to not make the same mistake twice. Maybe once upon a time, he believed he loved me enough to marry me & make a family with me but the idea of a wife & children and the reality of me & our children were more than his ambition to be famous/accomplished could balance.

(I wish him well today. I wish him everything he truly deserves. I wish him 2 fatcakes from DDW AND a big coke to wash it down with!5000 calories & 125 grams of pure fattyness)

Last year I had a blast with a pocket full of quarters & a couple of dirty old payphones. I crank called every ex I could think of with a phone number I had. It was juvenile to be sure but harmless fun.

Today is Valentines Day 2012. I'm going to be spending it in prayer & going to the Temple.

I am learning that living is about the love you give not the love you expect to get. As I heard someone wise tell me, love is the one thing you can keep on giving & never run out of. So true.

Daniel & Rebekah ~ you're at the top of my prayer list today. I pray for Daniel's healing & for his mother Rebekah to have strength & comfort. I pray for their wellness even though I am very far away ~ my valentine heart is praying hard for them. This beautiful sweet little boy has  Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome (HLHS) with a restrictive Atrial Septal Defect (ASD). 

Please if you have time, read Daniel's story at http://www.fortheloveofdaniel.com/ & send him & his mommy a little prayer too. Whatever happens, prayers help heal & comfort hearts that hurt. Every single prayer counts.

I'm praying for my Bestie & her Mom & her family. Sometimes it just seems like when it rains, it pours sludge out of the sky. (why doesn't it ever pour Chocolate out of the sky? or hail Strawberry Shortcakes? or even like maybe Peach Pie?) She's awesome this, Bestie. She fights to stay topside & doesn't let crap sink her. I truly admire that in a person.

I may not have money but I do have heart & time & love. Those are gifts I can give & keep on giving without ever running out.

Happy Valentines Day!!!

With love & delicious Valentines!
Cy

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