Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Thoughts for Tuesday 1/10/12

I spent Tuesday re-organizing & re-arranging. I tell ya there's nothing like not being able to find what you're looking for to ignite that fire to clean, organize & throw it all in the trash!


What I was looking for was a library book. What I found was a book I bought 2 years ago & forgot about it.

1,003 Great Things about Friends.

(I'm almost sure that I bought this for a friend & obviously didn't mail it to her. Oops! My apologies to the friend who is still waiting for it. Hopefully I sent you something better. Like chocolate. Because I'm a good friend like that. Ha!)

I had a couple of chuckles reading the great things & not so great things about friends.

It made me think of all the many friends & friendships I've had over the years.

There are some friends I don't see often because the distances are great but we write, email, chat or call. We make the effort to stay connected & I'm thankful for that. Lives are busy with families, closer friends, work, hobbies, chaos, whatever. But we stay connected however infrequently, however shortly. God Bless my friends.

I smiled & laughed when I read this one. Reminded me of last summer when my Bestie came to visit me & I was freakishly worried about my house & kids & cats not passing muster with her. She was & is awesome. It made no difference at all. With friends - you don't need to put out the nuts, appetizers or napkins but its nice to do so when you wanna tempt them into sampling your latest baked goods!

That's just not how we do it Polynesian Style. We get mad when we ask you if you need help & you say No & we can plainly see that Yes you do need help & your pride won't let you accept it. A Poly friend will & often does ignore your No's & help anyway. You'd be damned lucky if a Poly will even ASK you if you need help before just pitching in a helping hand & strong shoulder or a 20lb bag of rice. As a rule, we help first & ask questions laters. That is - if we were raised right.

Ahhh... how guilty I've been of this one when I was young & dumb! I used to have my former friends way back in the day before I grew up & gained this wonderful maturity - spy & do drive by's & then with the advent of the internet - cyberspy on them. I had good friends - good enough that they refused to do these demeaning & demoralizing things on my behalf. As they said to me,"Why bother? They'll never have the best of you. Don't even give them the satisfaction of blowing their ego by spying on them."

There was a few of us at that time who all pledged that if any one of us should die suddenly - the others would rush over to house & grab the box of stuff & hide it. Before the Relief Society sisters ever knew it was there.

This one made me a little sad because as I've grown older & my friendships have deepened ~ saying sorry has been necessary. Necessary to help friendships grow & strengthen. Not always nice to say or hear from someone else but necessary.

Its not the same as when I was a friend in elementary or even high school when you & a friend disagreed it was the norm for all parties concerned to just drift into new groups of friends quietly & immediately. Or have a big screaming fight in the malae or street or church parking lot during young women's with the end result still being moving on to other friends.

You just move on & ignore it & fill the blank spots where your friend used to be with a new friend to hang out with.

What happens when you become an adult is that its harder to make & keep friends. It's harder to be a good friend because the lines & responsibilities of being a friend grow & change. It's harder to find good friends. And from what I'm told - its hard for others to recognize friends from foes. 

I find myself challenged at times about what being a friend is for different friends.

Some friends need constantly coddling, constant care, constant emotional or financial or intellectual or spiritual support. Some friends considerably less attention. Still other friends thrive on shared motion.

Friendship for me as an adult has been about saying sorry when I was truly sorry & forgiving my friend truly when forgiving was called for. 

With & delicious friends~

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