Saturday, December 31, 2011

The Gift of Timing

Timing they say is everything. You can be the right person in the right place but if its the wrong time - it just isn't going to happen. Some times you have to speed up to hit the right time & some times you have to hold still so the right time can hit you. However it works out for you - timing is every thing.

This past year taught me to see timing on a larger framework. To see my choices & the consequences that originate from my choices on a longer timeline. Not just here & now but there & then. Some times the smallest things have the biggest impact.

Sim is getting ready to go on his mission this coming year. This push to help him meet his mark & to be the right person at the right time for the right purpose has consumed a greater portion of my life for the past two years. He has literally 11 months to become physically worthy to serve an honorable full time mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. His time is dwindling & he must be ready to go. He hovers precariously between wanting to grow forward to his future & staying in the safety of his childhood. I understand that. Its hard to leave the safety & comfort of one's home & hearth to make your own way & timing.

What he doesn't know is that its part of my job as his Mother to boot his ass out when the time comes so he can learn to fly instead of flounder. He doesn't like it & is resistant. Which is okay with me. I excel at doing things the hard way. His Do It or Die time is coming quickly. There are people who are counting on him to be in the right place at the right time to do the right thing.

Writing this past year is also something that had to happen in its own time. I was ready & resilient enough to write now. I had so much to tell that taking photos couldn't do. I think some times that each of us has a story to tell that bubbles up & bubbles up & if you're lucky & brave enough - it keeps on bubbling up until the only thing you can do is let it go & see what it writes for itself.

Letting go of my hair & history with my EX was also something that had to happen in its own time. I grew my hair out for him & kept it long in the hopes of some day having him run his hands through it. The time was now to cut the hair off & really & truly set myself free. So when he called a week or so ago making noise about reconciliations ~ I could honestly & kindly tell him that no, that will never happen again ever. The time for that passed already. And I didn't say it or mean it in a bad way. Only that our time is done. for good. Timing really is every thing.

Another timing is everything thing is I had $10 left in my bag. I still had to buy cat food & mail off the children's card & present for their father.

Kennedy Katzu & I went out for ice cream last night & decided to stop off at the local library to see what they had to offer. I love books. I'll spend money on books before I buy food for myself. (but not before I buy food for the kids & the cats of course)

Came across a book called God always has a Plan B. It was $2.00.  With $8 left, I'd only have enough for maybe 1 can of cat food & mailing the man's stuff off. I bought the book & wouldn't you just know there was a $5 bill tucked into pages? Talk about good timing & God's providence. I got my book, the cats got their food & the father of babies got his card & gift.

God is good all the time!

As LDS as I am, one of the things I've enjoyed is reading inspirational literature by other denominations. I find that it doesn't decrease my faith in Mormonism rather it increases it. It edifies it.

All things happen in God's own good time. Whenever that is. However that is. Sometimes I don't really like how God's time unfolds because I want what I want right now! But I do understand the love & the logic behind the timing - some things that look good right now won't be good for me when I look at in the framework of eternal happiness.

And 2011 has been all about understanding timing & the much larger

perspective that my timing is set against. There are roads we just have to travel on to get to the place we need to be at. We have to be on that path at that time so we can learn to love deeper & clearer & truer.

This year brought people into my framework that couldn't have appeared any sooner. I just wasn't ready for them & the lessons they gifted to me. Some of these people I love truly & deeply but my time in their stories is done for now. I miss them. I wish them well. I continue to pray for them even though I don't talk to them every day several times a day the way I used too. Some other people I don't want traveling my road with me, so I've pre-empted their time in my story. They need to go figure out their own story & mark their own time.

Then I have those fellow travelers who's paths frequently cross mine, who I find a great joy in meeting & saying Hello! too while I'm making my way. We swap stories, recipes, life experiences, pictures & scriptures.

God Bless them! They're great company on the broken road! Lots of laughing, lots of joking & lots of crying too sometimes. But they give me hope to keep on going when my what I really want to do is sit down & play dead.

No, I'm not always a happy journey traveler & I can testify that this road & time isn't what I had planned.

I can't tell if I'm living God's Plan A or B. It seems all the same to me.

And as I close out 2011 I look back on the past 12 months with wonder. How in the world did I survive & thrive in all of that chaos?

The answer always comes back the same - only by the grace of God.

As I leave this year behind & look forward to the new adventures of 2012, I thank God most of all for the love & care & patience He's shown for me. I am not an easy person to deal with. I am not even a nice person to deal with most of the time. But I am a good person & more importantly ~ I am a Child of God and that makes the difference in everything.

May you & yours have a wonderful 2012.

With Love & Good New Years Wishes~

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