Friday, November 11, 2011

The thing about Sisters is...

My sisters & Me.  Tafuna, American Samoa circa 1993 This is the only picture of all of us.
I have three sisters. The sister closest to me in age is just barely a full 365 days younger than me. (Our parents were busy rabbits back in the day). Then there's a gap of about 7 years then my brother and then another two year gap & my next sister & then a year and a half later my youngest sister.

In all there's about a solid 10 year age difference between me & my youngest sister. This makes a difference in the way we relate to things: I have 10 years more of been there done that than she does.

My sisters are all such nice talented good people. They really are. They're musically inclined, people inclined, life inclined. One sister plays piano profienently. Another sister writes songs & bakes. The other sister has a knack for listening to people & writing on their hearts.

(By the way, I'm the one at the far right with the devil-ish up to nothing good gleam in the eye. Ha! Well, I remember exactly what I was thinking in this photo: Hurry Up! R is waiting & I said I was on my way over 20 minutes ago).

I am not a nice person. But I am a good person. There's a difference.

They are all of them as individual women - remarkable intelligent pig headed constant women. When any one of them have determined a path of being for themselves, they've embarked on that journey with single minded laser precision that can't be moved, chanelled or diverted. The sisters in age closest to me do so with loud exclamations, the youngest one does hers in a passive aggressive way. The end result is the same: that's the point they want to go to so that's where they're going too.

One quality all three of them share is their ability to stick with their love through thick & thin, mi familia or no familia, come hell or high waters. I envy that quality & am working on trying to emulate it. They are constant women of love. Where their loves have gone, they've followed & stuck to it. They don't give up & they don't give in. That doesn't always make it right - but it does make it constant. I have to admire a quality like that especially since I don't naturally possses it.

Me & Sister 1976 Bountiful, Utah

I've lived with all of my sisters. I've had them steal my clothes, my shoes, my books & my underwear on occasion AND I've returned those favors in full measure with added emphasis because hello! I'm the oldest!(I need not go into full dirty depths about our boxing matches both literal & figurative) We've all of us been of the one size fits all theory except for jeans. I could not then & can not now fit into their jeans. Jeans I'm coming to believe are the very bane of my existence.

(By the way - see that dress I'm wearing in the lead photo? Stolen from my sister standing next to me. She was right, I didn't ask to borrow it. I just put it on because it tied in the back & made my waist look tiny & my bottom look big. Our father had to ref that argument. I think it cost him $20. Sorry sister! Sorry dad!)

Over the years my sisters have watched me go up in flames & come out in firewords (no pun intended). They've watched me battle with inner demons & outer demons. They've worried & wondered & resented the hell out of me as I've hacked my own path through life's weedy trails. I think (in reflection) that seeing me fight to learn & live & love the way I do scares them. Honestly, I've been told that just about everything about me scares people. *laughing*
Sister in heart & spirit Tish & Me May 2011

(I apologize sisters for terrifying you. But I wouldn't live it any other way than the way I already have. Its all of a piece & the pieces are beautiful.)

I'm still standing. And thriving. And loving. It baffles them sometimes how it is I can be as solid & as a happy as I am considering that according to the American Dream I should have killed myself off many many years ago.

(God. Thank You God.)

So you see, I do know something about having Sisters & more importantly Being a sister.


(I think everyone should have a sister or two or three or ten! If they aren't the biological sisters, then sisters of the heart & sisters in Christ will do just fine)

My sisters & I have each of us had our ups & downs & big outs & little outs. One sister I haven't spoken to in over 3 years. This is by mutual choice. I have nothing to say to her. I would prefer it if she has nothing to say to me. Her gripe with me is that she feels she has a right to tell me how to live my life to make her happy AND that I should obey her.

This is not going to happen.
Not now. Not then. Not ever.

I decide how I want to live my life because I decide how happy I am. I don't tell them how to live their lives because really? its none of my business. I don't have to answer for their decisions & I don't have to bleed for them. I'm not their mother. I'm their sister and sometimes I'm also their friend.

This is an on going battle that I've had with each of my siblings: You don't get to tell me how to live my life. Not now. Not then. Not ever. I live my life. You go live your own life.

Whether or not my choices at any time of my life were good or bad or just plain dumb ~ the ability to choose my own path has always been just that : MY OWN. No you don't have to like it but guesswhat? its not YOUR life that I'm living. It's MINE.

And I'm going to live it exactly the way I want too.

I want for you the same thing: to live your life the way you feel comfortably accounting for. It's your choice & if you aren't happy with your life then change yourself. That's all you have the power to do: change yourself. Not me. Not your friends. Not your partner. Not your spouse. Not your children. Not no one else but yourself.

But the thing about sisters is no matter how large or long our disagreements, we've always managed to have each other's backs because the unspoken spoken rule is: If anyone is going to kick your ass its going to be me, not that other a$$hole from nowhere. I'm your sister & I was here first so I have first dibs on the ass kicking, right after I fuki slam clotheline that other idiot for getting all up in your craw.

Sisters. You've got to have had one to understand being one. I just love all of mine. Thank You God for all of my sisters foreign & domestic, sane & insane, fat & skinny.

With love & delicious sisters~
Cy.







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