Tuesday, November 15, 2011


Simalei not quite a year old Tafuna, American Samoa 

Sim 1st grade Pavaiai Elementary
 Yes. Yes I did. I did what every son hopes his crazy Mother will not do on their birthday - put their baby pictures on blast for the whole world to see. If I could find just one of him butt ass naked, I would have sure put it here for you to see too!

I want the whole world to ooooh & ahhhh with me when I tell you he was a fat brown little butterball of love!

He was born the smallest of my babies. He was 8 pounds 14 ounces of squealing cuteness. He came out into the world, not with a cry or a wail like other babies. Sim came out to the world saying, "Hey" and a smile.

(I promise that's a true story. You can ask my mom & the nurse & the doctor. I, on the other hand could only mutter a grateful Thank God.)

He didn't like nursing. He loved Enfamil. He loved taking baths. His first mobile was one that my dad crafted from coke cans he cut up & placed on twine & sticks. He didn't have a cradle or a crib. He had a converted tool cart that we pushed him around in. The top part was high enough to fit a baby mattress & keep him from falling out while the bottom part kept all his gear (diapers, wipes, bottles, clothes & blankets) all neat & ready. You know those pop umbrella's we use to cover food on tables? We used that over him to keep the bugs out.

(Can you just see Sim squirming in his seat right now? I do love you son!)

Sim is my oldest son. He's the son that has had to tolerate my evolution to Motherhood. He's the son that has had to be the most patient with me as I gained & lost & then captured my footing in the world. He's my awesome fantastic too smart for himself go with the flow sonshine.

To say I love him doesn't even begin to frame the emotion I have for him.

Sim Junior Prom 2008

There isn't anything in this world that I wouldn't give up to give him what he needs to be.

For about 8 years, Sim was an only child. The whole birthing experience had traumatized me so very deeply I swore I would never ever ever have any more children.

But if there is one wish that Sim has had on every birthday he's ever had - it was that he would have his brothers. He hated being an only child.

His cousin Russell was born about 6 years after him & Sim couldn't get enough of him. Well, we all couldn't get enough of Russ.

When my sister & her little family moved away to pursue their own destiny, Sim was heartbroken & couldn't understand how his brother Russ was leaving.

(He hadn't learned yet, that moving is just geography - its just space. The ones we love who love us aren't ever very far from us.)

When Tafilele was born, Sim was already 8 and our world was changing rapidly. My father has passed away in Hawaii, my family had moved to Hawaii to be with my dad while he was sick & then stayed there. My husband & baby were still in Samoa. Sim, it was decided would stay in Hawaii with my mom & sisters &  brother.

I wish I could go back in time & tell the me in 2001 to just take both of my children home with me, that everything would work out in the Good Lord's way. But I hadn't yet learned how to live by faith. I was too busy living by my ass. I was scared for my son & wanted him safe in Hawaii because I wasn't sure yet where we would be living or for that matter if I was still going to married. (that's a different story)

They were supposed to be doing homework
A year later, I went to get my son from my mother. I told her he's mine & its time for him to be home with me. My mother wasn't going to let Sim go unless she was absolutely sure I was going to be his Mother & not mess up things I couldn't un-do. Her fears set aside, she gave me her blessing to take him home to Samoa with me.

Sim was 9 years old by then. As we caught our flight back to Samoa, he asked me if I was ever going to leave him again. I said "No, baby. We're in this together & I'm never ever ever going to leave you again. Whatever happens, you'll always be with me." I live by Faith now. I know that God will do what is right for us.

So far, I've kept my promise. I intend to continue keeping that promise.

As we left Samoa in 2003, I had to make a very difficult decision. Should I leave Tafi with his father & take Sim with me to Hawaii to start over again? Over the space of many months as I begged & pleaded with their father to make the move with us, I decided that Tafi needed Sim & that Sim needed Tafi at this specific time in their lives more than either one of them needed their father. He refused to move with us.
Me & Sim @ Kakelas 2010

Eight & half months pregnant with my 10 year old & 3 year old sons - we got on a PolyBlue airplane & said goodbye to our homeland. Katz was born a month later in Kahuku, Hawaii.

I know that I made the right decision then & stand by it now. The boys are stronger together than they are apart. The time will come (sooner instead of later) when they'll each have to travel their own road but for now, while I can - I can give them this time to be with each other & to be children.

Simz anchor to the world is his brothers. They give him hope & happiness & bring a light to his eyes. He is the most happiest when they are here with him. I know his brothers feel the same way about him too.

I love you Sim & thank you for picking me to be your Mommy. Happy happy happy birthday!

With love & delicious sonshine!

1 comment:

Thanks for stopping by!