Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Flowers for my Friend(s)

To my good friends who are being patient while I sort out some stuff ~ these flowers are for you.

I love you for waiting patiently while I come to a conclusion, realization, understanding   a place in my self about how authentic I am, who I want to be in the upcoming years & most importantly - what kind of legacy I am leaving behind for my children.

(yes I am talking to YOU. I know who you are!)

I'm not just looking backwards, I'm also looking forward & I'm looking at my here & now - if this is where I am supposed to be.

(which it is and I am - exactly where I ought to be doing exactly what I am doing)

Friends are important to our soul evolution. Our family members can be our friends. My mother & sisters have been some of the best & worst friends I've ever had. They help us become more of what we are & keep us tethered to the world when we feel like we could just float away from it.

If they are good friends ( and I have the very best of them!) they serve as honest mirrors reflecting back an accurate & sometimes bruising image at us. They do this with love because they love us & we allow them too. We trust their love for us. No. We don't always have to like it but understand it & accept it. Hopefully, we do so graciously instead of turning into a melting puddle of witch goo because our friends had to throw water on us! (thank you friends for picking up my witch goo & slapping it back together!)

I've been holding my breath for the past 8 years. (figuratively people not literally!) I'm not waiting to exhale. I'm just letting my breath out in little sighs - not big choking sobs or angry wails. Good deep sighs in the early morning light. Soft shallow sighs in the night as I pray to God for strength to last the task.

I think its interesting - that when I watch my truly Samoan friends encounter turbulence in their lives that they don't analyze the storm to death. They don't ask the storm why. And they certainly do not ask the storm how it feels about it.

Many of them as I've laid my troubles at their tables have looked at me over the years with that LOOK and said,:"Who care? So what? Just go do it!" and I'm not so haughty as to deny I whined a lot during those years.

("But look at my pain! Look at my suffering! Look at my bleeding! Look! See? He did it to me. Life is so unfair!" or this familiar strain: "You just don't understand because you've never loved like I loved him before.")

They just get up and brazened their way through it. It is what it is and they shrug it off and move through it. They don't whine about it or hold committee meetings about it. They also don't round robin speed dial every single girlfriend/cousin/remote acquaintance they know to discuss it to death.

They just get it done. OK well in all fairness, they all go and beat people up, throw boiling oil on cheating partners & so forth. We all know the ones I'm talking about. But they don't just sit around and rhapsodize about it. That's what I like & what I'm learning to be.

They have a natural bred in the bone resilience in them that I find hopeful & buoyant. I am proud to come from that kind of people. I just sometimes wish I knew WHERE it was in me so I could tap it all the time.

My friends, I think of you & claim you as a blessing in my life.
Thank you for waiting for me. It's been a long walk.

Let's make the good times roll, eh?

With love & delicious flowers~

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