Friday, October 28, 2011

Friends: Dumped, Deleted &(re) Discovered

Art work compliments of Manoa Elementary
One of the things I love about being this old is that I have friends who have been my friend for nearly 30 years. I've known them more than half of my life & they still like me!

(It's freakin' AWESOME to be able to say I have friends who've shared my life for more than half of it!)

I wish I could gift the kind of friends I have to my children and to everyone I know. They are the bestest, bravest, hardest, most-est friends anyone could ask for. They are fiercely loyal & honest with me. They are funny & smart. They are beautiful & bright. They are also the kind of people that if you cross them or hurt their loved ones, they will hunt you down & kill you & dispose of your body where not even the fishes will find you.

(well? what kind of friends did you think I'd have? Timid little things waiting for Prince Charming to save them? HA!)

They don't have a problem keeping their mouths shut & they don't have a problem seeing past my pride when its called for. One of the perks of having friends this long & this well is the safety in knowing you don't have to get all dolled up for them to still be your friend.

They'll take you any way they can get you: showered or not, teeth brushed or not, house cleaned or not. Screaming children & bad haircuts will not make them blink. Calling them at the dead of midnight so they can talk you out of going to your Ex's and getting arrested for a public peace disturbance - also not a problem. But if you're insistent, they will also offer to post your bail when the cops come to haul your bawling ass to jail.

And none of that will even make a blip on their radar. It doesn't matter to the friends who count.

Friendships take work. Relationships take work. Work takes time & heart.

Even as our lives & our situations take us far from each other, we work at staying friends.

That's not to say that I haven't had fights with my friends. I've had fights with all of them at some point in time. We couldn't remain friends without fighting with each other.

Some times our fights are silent & eerily telepathic (think: I'm staring at you bitch. You know what I'm talking about.) to loud & weepy (think:You never listen to me! Don't ever speak to me again. Why aren't you talking to me?). Some of our fights lead to hear no evil see no evil speak no evil which translates into I don't see you, I don't hear you & I don't speak to you. ever.

(Those are the bitches.)

Then I have friends who say to me, I am your friend no matter what. Let's talk about this. You matter to me enough to work this out. I am not walking out on you. I am not going to let this fester. Our friendship is too important to just shrug it off.

(Those are the Bring It Bitches.)

The thing that always trips me up is no matter how old I get or what I learn or who I've become, some aspect of friendship remains the same as when I was in 3rd grade back in Pavaiai Elementary School.

Someone I had considered a friend, did not want to be my friend.

I was devastated. Had I done something wrong? Said something wrong? Worn something wrong?
How could my friend whom I shared deep thoughts & feelings with suddenly & abruptly cut me out of her life with scalpel like precision?

There is no discussion. No compromise. No maybe we can work it out. Just a quick & dirty "we are not friends anymore.ever."

Who even does that at my age?

But the wonderful part of growing up is learning to know when something is worth eating humble for and ask for & grant forgiveness. It doesn't matter who's right or who's wrong, as Mother Hubbard has told me often ~ I can be right or I can be happy. Forgive. Forget & get over it. Life is too short to not be living it!

(sometimes Mother knows exactly what to say to make me move!)

When the friend who cut me (so heartlessly) out of her life reappeared a few weeks later, she asked me to forgive her for her weakness in needing to take a step back & out of the picture to get her self on center. It wasn't that our friendship was the issue as much as it was a culmination of many little things hitting all at once.

I told her, "that's okay. Sometimes friends just have to understand its not always ALL about US and that sometimes its just about YOU."

I asked her to forgive me for calling her a heartless effying bitch.

She laughed with me and said,"Of course! That's just what friends do."

And with that, we picked up where we left off... as friends.

With love & delicious friendships~

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