Tuesday, September 27, 2011

The "Missing Mates" list

missing mates shoes

Sometimes living the Delicious Life means getting rid of the things/people/clutter/thoughts that's dragging you down.

That includes people we've loved, people we've cried with and people we've cared for. People who call us family. People who call us to collect on memories.

Letting go isn't a bad thing.

(Its the thing that lets there be more room in your life to breathe in & out.)

Removing people who don't want to be in your life, makes space for people who do want to be in your life.

When you're ready to be Delicious - you've also got to be ready to be strong enough to do the hard things.

M was my friend as I transitioned from adolescence to adulthood. It was a tender age to be, crossing from a black & white sure as the sunshine born in the church upbringing to an adulthood fraught with poor choices, alcoholic fueled romances (note the plural) and understanding the difference between knowledge & wisdom.
(I have wisdom now ~ hard fought & earned from the tears I bled as the results of poor choices I made, the irresponsible romances I had & the many haters who gave me a reason to get up every morning if for no other reason than to NOT give them the satisfaction of watching me burn.)

Manoa Elementary School 5ht Grade
With the perspective that twenty some odd years & other friendships have provided, I can see that M taught me one of the hardest lessons of my adult life: that if I love the way I believe I do, it's not going to matter to me what someone else said or did or didn't do. It will not matter at all. I love them. We can & will work through it. We are friends.

She was the one who shattered our friendship on the vote of the committee hive. Can you even imagine the idiocrasy that has to occur when one person needs the vote of a hive to un-friend you?

I laugh at it now.

Even after countless tear-filled apologies for a rumor or such that I didn't recall saying, there was no hope of forgiveness or reconciliation. None. Repeated attempts to mend the breach were denied. Multiple tries & cries to members of the hive to intervene on my behalf - denied. Not one of the four women who could & should have spoken up on my behalf - did. Not one of them used the half brain they passed around them to ask themselves, what if that were me? So what if this act is true or not? Aren't we all friends? Doesn't friendship mean anything to any of us?

(What kind of people are these women? I have a very good idea)


It taught me hard & dirty just exactly what I will & will not do. I will not abandon a friend. Ever. (And as God in the Heavens is my witness, I surely WILL NOT do anything because the Hive told me so.)

I may bitch & I may moan & I may even need to stop speaking to you for a short while so I don't punch you in the face. But I will not abandon you.


M's exact words to me as I sat on her porch were,"It's like a plate that once it breaks, you can put the pieces back together again but its never the same."

How could this person who had been my dearest friend harden her heart to me so ruthlessly?

(She said it felt worse than a divorce but at that time had never been married. We've both survived divorces now - and I still say THAT DAY hurt worse than anything my EX ever did to me.)

It has taken me years to find the answer & the antidote to that slip of the knife in my gut - the answer is this:
"Yes the plate is cracked. Yes it is not the same. The beauty of it is is magnified a thousand fold because of the cracks & the chips. Its flaws & scars bring it character. Its character tells me where it has been and the beautiful story it has to share."

Adios to the Former Friends, our Missing Mates: The one's who don't give as good as they get, who don't stick around when the going's good, the ones who run & hide instead of holding on.

I will mourn you. I will miss you. (I miss you already.)

I just don't have time (or Delicious-ness) to waste on negativity.

My life is too sacred for that.
With Love & Delicious Endings ~
Cy.

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